Mario’s Ass Is Missing From The Super Mario Bros. movie

Mario is a humble hero and fans have been eagerly awaiting more news about his upcoming feature film. On Tuesday, Nintendo shared a teaser for an upcoming trailer, and we see Mario in all his glory, looking bright and brilliant – hey. Hey, what’s wrong with his ass?

We real gamers all know that Mario is a round little guy with a small tummy and a big butt. I don’t want to be controversial; this is just what i have observed over decades of hardcore gaming. And yet, if you take a look at this poster, Mario has absolutely nothing going for him in those overalls of his.

Image: lighting/universal images via polygon

I can only assume that Nintendo is fishing for a Sonic the hedgehog-style fan campaign to restore Mario’s mighty cheeks because right now it’s just sad to see such an iconic hero wearing such floppy, empty overalls. How can we trust this guy to jump on goombas and fly Koopa shells when he doesn’t have any cake left? I suppose he is in good company with some other game icons, but Mario deserves better.

Secure, there are a lot of nice Easter eggs to spot from previous entries in the Mario canon, and it’s interesting to think about how a big star like Chris Pratt will voice this classic game character. But I can’t dwell on these things. I’m leaving when I think of Mario’s little Hank Hill ass.

We’ll learn more about the film during Thursday’s Nintendo Direct, focusing on The Super Mario Bros. Movie. It will take some time before all our questions are answered; the film is set to hit theaters on April 7, 2023.

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