JAN MOIR: Palace pop party was glorious, victorious…but drones stole the show

The Platinum Party at the Palace started with a hilarious high tea, when Paddington and the Queen shared marmalade sandwiches and a moment this country will never forget.

But how to top that? Somehow the party succeeded, with Rod Stewart hopping around in pearls, Prince Charles talking about his ‘mom’, Brian May playing guitar next to the statue of Queen Victoria and even the beautiful Jason Donovan reprising his role as Joseph dusted and wondered if a dream would suffice. Speaking of which, may I go back to the beginning?

For over two hours, the Platinum Party was the best of us, it was the worst of us, it was glorious and victorious – but also a little spurious. Who doesn’t love Diana Ross, but what was the Motown legend doing at the top of a poster to celebrate HM the Queen and the best Brits?

The drone show was a highlight, a delight from start to finish. It featured gigantic corgis, a confetti of red hearts fluttering from a royal handbag, a pair of bear-skinned guards, and a teapot pouring tea; the absurd but beloved pageantry of royal life, plucked in fairy lights in a velvet summer sky

According to host Lee Mack, Miss Ross is “a particular favorite of the royals.” News for most of us! Including, it is believed, the Windsors.

Undaunted, Diana climbed aboard in a monochromatic tulle teapot and glided across the stage in front of Buckingham Palace like a fabulous Dalek, one whose diamonds were visible in the farthest reaches of the Who universe. “I am full of admiration for you, Your Majesty,” she trembled, queen to queen.

Another surprise act was Alicia Keys, who deftly managed her own lack of connections and royal knowledge. “When I’m in London it reminds me so much of New York,” she said before launching her big hit Empire State of Mind. Sadly, this doesn’t celebrate the pink pieces of the map or the Queen’s realm, but Alicia’s birthplace, New York City.

Still, it’s a great song and the highest credit to Alicia for her gorgeous, royal cape.

Still, there were wondrous moments that truly captured the best of British talent and creativity. The show was beautifully designed and produced, while the world-breaking backdrop made the heart sing. From the enfilade of Union flags along the Mall to the palace itself, to the sun setting over the London skyline, it was dramatic and beautiful.

Sir Rod came personally, Sir Elton beamed from Windsor, but why not Sir Tom Jones?  Very unfortunate, because even at age 81 - and tomorrow is his birthday - Tom's vocal cords are like golden ropes compared to Rod's shattered tonsils

Sir Rod came personally, Sir Elton beamed from Windsor, but why not Sir Tom Jones? Very unfortunate, because even at age 81 – and tomorrow is his birthday – Tom’s vocal cords are like golden ropes compared to Rod’s shattered tonsils

The drone show was a highlight, a delight from start to finish. It featured gigantic corgis, a confetti of red hearts fluttering from a royal handbag, a pair of bear-skinned guards, and a teapot pouring tea; the absurd but beloved pageantry of royal life, plucked in fairy lights in a velvet summer sky.

Back to a lineup that was dominated by who wasn’t there, rather than who was there. Sir Rod came personally, Sir Elton beamed from Windsor, but why not Sir Tom Jones? Very unfortunate, because even at age 81 – and tomorrow is his birthday – Tom’s vocal cords are like golden ropes compared to Rod’s shattered tonsils.

No Adele, no madness, no Proclaimers, who have all sung their way into the hearts of the nation – but perhaps it all comes down to who is ready, able and willing – and who is on the naughty step. Speaking of which, William but not Harry, the unsung drama of the night.

Another surprise act was Alicia Keys, who deftly managed her own lack of connections and royal knowledge.

Another surprise act was Alicia Keys, who deftly managed her own lack of connections and royal knowledge. “When I’m in London it reminds me so much of New York,” she said before launching her big hit Empire State of Mind.

No matter what happened on the stages, what I longed for was a Royal Box camera, fixated on the smooth gum of VIPs bubbling on the seats behind the Cambridges. Secretary of Culture Nadine Dorries for once really experiencing a bit of culture, Nicola Sturgeon is greener than the grass at home because he is surrounded by so many Union flags waving gleefully, so much unity and British pride to see.

In the end, it was a show that was supposed to be full of rock, rap, opera, hip-hop, music, fashion, sports, and royalty. It would never please everyone but it was a solid evening of entertainment.

“It’s a who’s who of top turns,” says presenter Kirsty Young, whose return to broadcast made her a top turn herself.

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